I honestly don’t think there are enough words in the dictionary to describe all the ways I’ve changed in the past two years.
First of all, these last two years are the first two years I’ve been out of high school and in college. That alone is a big change that has led me down many unknown roads and into some very different situations, causing me to learn new things and become an entirely different person than who I was before — one the old me probably wouldn’t even recognize.
My friends and family who have known me for a very long time realize it, but those I’ve met post high school (especially in the last year or so) have no idea about the changes. I mean, how could they? I don’t really ever talk about them, for changing is just another part of life. I don’t need to bring it up — well, except for now, lol.
So what exactly is different?
I think the biggest thing is my maturity. I’ve always been a little wiser than my years, but I have to say that these past two have really amplified that. I’m at the point now where I just understand. This probably sounds a little silly coming from a 19-year-old, but I get that we’re just people and that this world will never be a paradise. It’s not a bad thing; it’s simply the way that it is. Bad things happen, and we’re not supposed to be perfect. It’s all right. And now that I’ve accepted that, it’s so nice — so much better than always walking around wondering why.
That change in attitude has also led me to [mostly] forget my old, perfectionist ways. Those used to really wreak havoc on my physical and mental health, for getting things done exactly right be would be my number one priority at all times, no matter what. It caused me to put 120 percent into every single thing I did in order to always try to be the best.
Crazy, I know, and it exhausted me.
But now I understand that that’s impossible. I don’t know how I learned it. Maybe through my mean professors or my surprise non-4.0 GPA. But the way doesn’t matter. All that does is that I’m there — and in a much happier state because of it. For once, I just want to get out into the world and live life rather than worrying about everything being okay, and it’s really nice.
So I guess that means that the general change people probably notice is that I’m finally at ease. I’m much more of a peaceful, laid back person than ever before (although I’m sure my mother and sister beg to differ), and it’s done wonders for me. I’m truly a better person, and it’s truly a blessing to be able to say that.
On a lighter note, in the past two years, I’ve lost some weight, started looking less and less like a little boy, gotten quite a few awesome jobs (and others not so great), learned to drive, improved my writing skills, taken up photography, met many incredible friends, started studying a third language, began casually teaching English, traveled a very tiny corner of the world, got the beginnings of my first book down, and had three babies enter into my life (all cousins, not offspring, thank you very much). All of these have worked wonders to change me, as well, in other ways I can’t even begin to describe. I’m more confident, more talkative, a better listener, more affectionate, more understanding. Once again, it’s all so amazing, and I’m so grateful for it.
But yeah. That’s how I’ve changed in the past two years. It’s awesome that it’s all been so positive, and I hope to keep it that way.
Talk to you again soon.