YES, I AM ANGRY, CAN YOU TELL??
Without fail, every weekend I work just gets crazier and crazier, with more apparent nut jobs coming into the store than ever before. And it got me thinking: Do people just not know how to shop? Like, did no one ever teach the general public the proper manners and etiquette for when inside a public place making purchases?
Seems to me they didn’t, so in order to start clearing up the shopping confusion, I’ve compiled a lovely list of things to avoid doing while in a store — any store. I’m coming from a clothing perspective, but I know this kind of crap happens everywhere, whether it be groceries or pet supplies or electronics. So read below, and if you’re guilty of anything mentioned at all, change your ways. We retail employees can only take so much for so long.
Wow. That was way more menacing than I intended.
WHAT NOT TO DO WHILE SHOPPING
1. Leave all your crap everywhere
From your empty Starbucks cup to your half-eaten chicken McNuggets to the pair of pants you no longer want to buy, don’t throw all of the crap you no longer want to carry around on the next object you see, leaving it for the magical fairies to take care of later.
News flash: THERE ARE NO MAGICAL FAIRIES. JUST THE STORE EMPLOYEES.
If you have an empty container, find a trash can and throw it away. If the store you’re in doesn’t have a trash, then either exit and find one or hold on to the container until you are able to leave. Stores are not your own personal garbage disposal. Anything you set down and leave behind has to be cleaned up by workers like me — kind, nice, tolerant people who did not sign up to be your janitor. We don’t want to touch your grody, nasty garbage every 10 minutes of our shift. So be a responsible human being, and throw it away.
As for unwanted products, put them back where you got them. It’s not that freaking hard. And if you simply can’t remember where you got something from, ask an employee to put it away for you. We don’t mind. We won’t get mad. We’ll actually probably thank you for giving it to us because doing so leads to a cleaner store and thus less unnecessary work. Just don’t throw it wherever pleaseth you most. For heaven’s sake. For our sake. Just don’t.
2. Mess up nicely folded piles
Piles of folded clothes in stores have size stickers so you can easily locate your size, lift the top of the pile off, take the size you need, and put the top of the pile back in its proper place. If no stickers are there, then the size and price tags are always on the tops of the garments, a very easy location to access in a pile.
In other words, there is absolutely no need to rip a pile apart and disperse it all over the table and floor just so you can get your size. So stop doing that. Also, when putting a garment back into a pile, there is no reason why you can’t fold it first. Not doing so is simply called “laziness.”
3. Play Dress Up
You know you can’t afford to buy 30 different garments, so why the heck are you trying to take them into the fitting room?? Unless you’re shopping for a new job or your honeymoon, you have no excuse to try on half the store. So don’t. Be reasonable. If you know you’re gonna buy one thing, try on three, maybe five. If you know you’re gonna buy five things, try on eight. But there is no need to go above that. That’s why 6-8 garments is the max you can take into most fitting rooms. Anything more is just excessive.
4. Try to put the clothes you tried on back yourself
(Or simply leave them hanging in the fitting room you used…)
For goodness sake, just hang them on the fitting room rack.
One more time for emphasis, because this one’s really hard to understand: Put them on the hanger, and hang them on the fitting room rack.
It irks me to no end when I find unbuttoned, unzipped, untied, inside-out clothing stuffed in the middle of perfectly cared for garments somewhere in the store. No. Just no. You’re not being a hero by putting the things you try on away yourself. You’re creating an ugly mess that needs to be cleaned up later. So spare us the extra work, and leave it on the rack. Please. Please. Just leave it on the rack.
Look, you’ve got me begging.
5. Leave your clothes in a pile in the fitting room
THIS IS NOT YOUR BEDROOM. THIS IS NOT YOUR CLOSET. I DON’T CARE HOW YOU TREAT YOUR CLOTHES AT HOME, BUT DON’T YOU DARE LEAVE THEM IN A BALL ON THE FLOOR OF ANY FITTING ROOM IN ANY STORE ANYWHERE IN THIS COUNTRY. IT IS NOT THE WORKERS’ JOBS TO CLEAN UP AFTER YOUR LAZINESS AND INCONSIDERATENESS. (Inconsiderateness does not feel like it should be a word, but it is. Hm.)
For real, though, it’s not that hard to hang your clothes back on the hangers as you try them on. Until I started working in retail, I didn’t even know that people thought it was okay to splay them out like some sort of sty. I still have a hard time fathoming it. It’s just so rude.
6. Leave the clothes you tried on inside out
Whether on the floor or on the hanger, no. Just no. Like, for real, whatever happened to the whole “leave things how you found them” attitude? Did that skip a few generations, or are people just really that awful now?
7. Try on clothes in the middle of the store
This one is directed at you, fellas (although there are quite a few women guilty of it, too). There are fitting rooms for a reason. Don’t undress yourself in the middle of the store. Do it behind closed doors. Please and thank you.
8. Leave your purchase in a random place and complain when it’s gone
Abandoned items get cleaned up. If you wanna buy it, hold on to it. If you don’t hold on to it, we’re gonna assume you don’t want to buy it and put it back. Cause that’s what people [wrongfully] do when they don’t want things: leave ’em wherever the heck they want, expecting the workers to put them back for them.
So if you set something down, walk away, and it’s suddenly gone, it’s not our fault. Don’t yell at us. We were just doing our job. Maybe you shouldn’t be so silly as to leave your purchase stranded.
9. Get angry when something you want is out of stock
You can’t always get what you want, people, and the world doesn’t revolve around you. If we don’t have your size, we don’t have your size. Get over it. Look online. Go somewhere else to find something similar. I don’t know. Just don’t go complaining to me about it. I can’t control what items we get in and when. I just ring people out and make sure things look nice. So if we’re out of what you want, it obviously just wasn’t meant to be. You’ll get over it. I promise.
10. Try to undress the mannequins
And get angry when you get yelled at for it -_-
Don’t drop the “But I did it in Macy’s” excuse on me. I don’t give a crap what kind of shady, inconsiderate things you did in another store, and no one else in any other store is gonna give a crap either. Mannequins are heavy, expensive, and very difficult to take apart and put back together, especially when clothed. The clothing on them is also very heavily pinned in order to get it to sit right. The second you start trying to undress one, you put yourself (as well as the clothes you’re trying to get off) in quite a bit of danger.
So unless you like being smashed by a plastic person, I suggest you ask an employee if it’s possible to undress the mannequin. And if it isn’t possible (which will be the case in most places), refer back to the previous item on this list.
11. Hit on workers
I don’t even need to elaborate on this one. No one shows up to their job to be sexually harassed, whether verbally or physically. Don’t try to pick up the cute worker you see, especially with cheesy, gross one-liners. It will not be well received.
12. Leave your children unattended
If I got a dollar for every small child that’s been left unattended on one of my shifts, I’d be rich enough to finally quit.
Look, I’m not saying this one because I don’t love kids. I do. They’re wonderful bundles of joy. But don’t be that bad parent who doesn’t pay attention to what his or her child is doing. That’s how your kid gets injured or kidnapped. And let me tell you, I’ve seen some pretty close calls regarding both. So just pay attention to your kids, or don’t take them with you at all. Stores are just as dangerous as the rest of the world.
Hah. As if that would ever not occur.
14. Yell at workers for asking to see ID
As my coworker pointed out yesterday, credit cards are technically void if not signed, so that fact that stores ask to see ID rather than simply canceling the whole transaction when a card isn’t signed is actually a huge favor. Don’t huff and puff and yell because you suddenly have to dig your license out of your wallet. You know your card isn’t signed. Maybe you should have come prepared.
But I mean, if you don’t want companies to try to prevent your money from getting stolen, then we can stop.
15. Yell at workers for not accurately answering every single stupid question
It’s very true that there is no such thing as a stupid question. There are only stupid people who ask stupid questions — most of which aren’t actually questions.
“Excuse me, I have a question.”
“So…I found this dress.”
“…And…do you need another size? Were you looking for a different style?”
“No. I just want to know where this dress is in the store. I found it by itself on the wrong rack.”
WELL YOU NEVER SAID THAT YOU BIG IDIOT.
I can’t count the number of times things like that have happened. I also can’t count the number of times where people have gotten mad at me because I can’t show them exactly what they are looking for thanks to their vagueness.
“Excuse me, where are your black dresses?”
WE HAVE 50 BLACK DRESSES, THREE ON EVERY RACK. OPEN YOUR EYES AND LOOK AROUND.
“Excuse me. Do you have backpacks?”
“Sure, but only a few. Here they are.”
“Um, no. Not girls backpacks. Boys backpacks.” *huffs at the stupidity of retail workers everywhere*
WELL YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN MORE SPECIFIC SINCE YOU’RE HERE SHOPPING WITH YOUR DAUGHTER.
(That last one actually happened to my sister, not me.)
But anyway, why is communication so hard for the average shopper?
16. Argue over store policies
We are employees carrying out the rules of the company that hired us. If you don’t like that you can’t get the money back from your seven-month-late return on your credit card, tough luck. It’s company policy, and we can’t change it just for your. You can yell at me and my managers all you want. You can call customer service all you want. Every person in the company will tell you the same thing: If you wanted the money back on your card, you should have returned it in the designated time frame.
And, oh, you’re never gonna shop at this company ever again??? Okay. Bye. As if we need your one sale every year (that only ever ends up in a return, ahem) in order to keep making our billions.
People are so egocentric. It’s hilarious.
17. Yell at workers from across the store
*Turns and looks toward the sound of the scream*
“EXCUSE ME. I NEED YOUR HELP.”
Oh, you need my help? Well how about I need a hearing aid now because of your big, ill-mannered mouth? Hmm?
I’m sorry, but store employees are not your slaves. If you have a question, don’t holler at them to come running to help you. Walk up to them and ask — how normal human beings do it.
18. Try things on when the store is closing
We are people, too, and we like to get out of work on time just as much as the next guy. So if you come into a store a half an hour before it’s about to close and want to use the fitting room, fine. Twenty minutes before close, also cool. But ten minutes? You’re out of your mind. Unless you’re trying on one item that you’re going to buy whether you need a different size or not, it’s not happening. Especially on a Sunday when everything closes early.
What, not fair? Well maybe you should’ve came sooner, Last-minute Larry.
Okay, that is all. I think I was a little mean in this post, which I didn’t mean to be. It just sort of came out. This past weekend left me…bitter, to say the least.
I guess in general, just imagine if you were in the workers’ shoes. Would you appreciate any of the above happening to you? No, you wouldn’t. So don’t do it to us.
Talk to you again soon.