30 Day Challenge – Day 10: My First Love?

30 day challengeKissing’s gross. People don’t kiss. What even is kissing? We’re just gonna talk about love today.

[Yes, I so casually avoid the things I don’t want to talk about. I know.]

If we were being 100 percent honest with “first love,” then that would mean I’d be spending the next however many words telling you about my childhood crush on Nick Carter from the Backstreet Boys. He was truly my first love in life, with me wanting to marry him from the time I was three until the time I was eight. That’s a pretty significant chunk of a child’s life, if I do say so myself, so, yeah. I could definitely just talk about that.

But I know my first celebrity crush isn’t the kind of first love this challenge wants me to discuss. This wants the real deal first love of my life, someone whom I actually knew.  So I guess that’s what I’m gonna give to you today.

There will be no name dropping and no specific period of time given. Just know that when I first saw him, I didn’t like him. Not at all. Nope, nope, nope, nope, nope. Everything I felt for him was platonic. Pla-tonic. Like, as friends-only as “friends only” can get.

When we first met, if someone would have told me I was going to fall in love with him, I would have made my signature cringe face:

Britney-Spears-Cringe-Face

And then probably laughed hysterically. Cause ew. No. Why.

But somehow, the closer we became, the more and more I started to like him.

I remember denying it at first, like I do with all of my crushes. I would feel the rush in my stomach whenever I saw him, whenever I heard him say my name. But I’d ignore it. I’d tell myself I was just excited to see one of my very best friends. That’s all. Just excitement. Nothing more.

One day, though, I woke up and admitted it: I was in love. Er, had a crush. At the time, I didn’t know it was love. I just thought it was another instance of Leah falling for some dweebie dude she became friends with, and I thought it would fade soon enough. I just had to carry on as normal and fight the feelings, as I always did.

This may seem a little odd and cynical, but that’s just how I react to crushes. I’ve never really been a fan of relationships or having feelings for other people, so I always fight them off rather than pursue them.

Yet I love romance stories.

I’m a freak, I know.

Well, the day I knew I fell in love was a weird one. I will tell you that it was late in some October. I was walking, looking down at the colorful leaves scattered beneath my shoes, and we were having the most wonderful conversation. About what, I don’t remember, but I do know that it made me happy. Very happy. And it was in that moment, during that conversation, where I was happier than I had probably ever been in my life, that I realized I was in love and would do anything for that guy I was talking to. Anything. I’d even marry him if he asked — a first for Leah.

So what ever came of us? Nothing, of course. Like I said, I don’t pursue that kind of stuff — not yet, at least. Do I still love that guy? Of course. I probably always will. Does he love me, too? I think so. But we’ll see what comes of it one day, if anything.

And that is all. I’m super excited for tomorrow’s challenge, so talk to you again then.

 

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