Well, this happened a lot sooner than I thought it would!
Hi Mom. Hi Bekah. Hi Dad. You may or may not be reading this right now, but either way, you still know that I’m writing it, and so I figured I’d say hi. You know, welcome you to my online family and such.
That’s right; after almost ten months of blogging, I’ve finally come out of the blogging closet.
Yup, my direct family now knows that I have a blog. They now have the URL and can read anything I write at any time they wish. Just like the rest of the world, they now can freely read me and then promptly choose to either love me or judge me.
(I really hope it’s the former!)
So you probably don’t understand why admitting that I have a blog is such a big deal for me, and, honestly, I don’t know why it is either. It just is. Having people I know really, really well know what goes through my head on a semi-daily basis just isn’t normal for introverted old me, but, again, I honestly don’t know why. It probably has a lot to do with said introversion, but still it could be something else, as well. So let’s just settle on “It makes me uncomfortable” (even though it shouldn’t), and agree that that justifies this being a big deal.
I will admit that I am pretty proud of myself right now, though, for finally working up the nerve to stop hiding my hobby and passion from those I love most (and from those who love me most). I know you may have been a bit offended the other night when I told you that I have a very active blog, family of mine, just because I waited so long to let you in, but I want to let you know right now that you both shouldn’t have been and shouldn’t be. Please know that I didn’t want to hurt you with a secret; I just wasn’t ready to open my mouth, wasn’t comfortable with doing so, and so I waited until now, until I was, to let you in.
I want to make you all proud, and even though I know you’ve always been proud of me no matter what I’ve done, I still had reservations regarding telling you because I a) didn’t want to be a copy cat and b) didn’t want this to be a failed (or stupid) endeavor and thus feel like I let someone down (because if you didn’t know about it and I failed, then who could be disappointed?). So I waited until I saw that I wasn’t awful before I said anything so as to not let you (and thus myself) down. As odd as that may seem, that’s probably the second most important thing in my life: not letting you guys down. So I tried my hardest not to.
I’m sorry if that seems wrong and very selfish of me, and I’m sorry if you still don’t quite fully understand it. Just know that you not understanding is entirely my fault, for I still don’t know exactly how to explain why I don’t tell people everything about me. I just don’t like to do so — don’t feel the need to do so — and so I don’t. So please don’t be offended or anything by it, because it really is nothing against you. It’s all me, me and my stupid fear of bothering other people, which means that it has nothing to do with you. So you should never be offended by it. Really.
Please just know that if something is ever truly bugging me, I will let you know about it. Until it gets to that point, however, I don’t mind holding it in. Actually, I kind of prefer it; big fusses annoy me.
But I must say that it is really nice not having to hide this any longer. It feels good having it all in the open, and with my next endeavors in life, well, I don’t think I’ll hide them either.
And also, now that you all know about this, I can actually start pushing it out into the world and seeing if anything could ever come from it! Huzzah!
But, also now that you know about this, please don’t go asking me concerned questions after you’ve read a post. I’m alright. Really. I just enjoy thinking deeply and picking apart life, enjoy trying to see if I can figure something new out.
I love you, my dear family, and I thank you all for understanding. ❤
Now wish me luck, for it’s time to let everyone else I know in!