Why I Won’t Be Watching the Super Bowl

The Super Bowl is now, somehow, a global event. Everyone I know–even those who despise football–are getting together tonight no matter where they are in the world in order to devour food and view a very slow game involving guys wearing extremely tight pants grabbing each other in various places that would be highly inappropriate otherwise as well as see a few dozen well-thought-out and mostly highly objectifying advertisements that probably cost more money to make (combined) than Beyonce is worth. Oh, and there’s Katy Perry.

But all of the above is exactly why I’m not going to be watching the big game.

I know that there’s this stereotype of every American tuning in to see their country’s “most famous sport” on its “most famous day.” There’s also the stereotype of “just having to see all the ads.” Apparently, if you’re American and don’t watch the Super Bowl, whether for the sport or the commercials, you really aren’t an American at all–or so they say.

And for my entire life, I’ve bought that.

This year, however, I’m done. Now, I could sit here trying to explain in beautiful prose all the reasons why, but that would, plain and simple, take too long. So, instead, I’m providing an extremely concise list that will hopefully make my viewpoint a bit clearer. Don’t take my terseness for bitterness or anger or hatred, though. The list is merely for convenience. I don’t hate the global enterprise and money-making machine the Super Bowl has turned into, and I definitely don’t condone those who will be watching tonight; I’m a journalism and economics major, after all. Our freedoms of speech, choice, and entrepreneurship are literally my most favorite things in this country (other than Disney), so I could never (and would never) say that the event needs to stop. I simply am, personally, very tired of buying into the fad that involves choices I don’t necessarily agree with. Therefore, I will not partake in it this year, and I simply feel the need to explain why.

Because that’s just what sensitive, romantic writers do: We share our feelings.

Awww

So now that the disclaimer’s done, I will begin:

  • To address the stereotype I mentioned earlier: Football is not America’s most famous sport, and the Super Bowl is not the most famous sporting event. To find those, one only needs to say “baseball.”
  • And to address the actual sport: Football consists of “11 minutes of action.”

  • I’m a hockey person.

Too much? Too bad.

  • Why watch something that I don’t like/that puts me to sleep?
  • I’m kind of tired of super awkward moments with my parents, like:

Yeah, I get it, Don Drapers of the country: There’s a huge male demographic during this event, and men like women. But guess what? Lots of women watch this game, too–and they watch it with their men. And there are also these things called “children” who watch, as well.

Which makes all of the above awkward, not hilarious.

  • College life requires me to write lots of papers in little amounts of time.
  • I don’t really want to have another conversation with guys at school regarding my “lack of knowledge” with sports, my most favorite commercial (because, obviously, that’s the only thing I payed attention to), and how much I must have loved the halftime show (since, why else would I watch?), and not watching at all is the perfect way to avoid it.
  • I wake up at 6:30 a.m. every single week day (except Tuesdays when I get up at half-past five) and therefore cannot physically stay up to watch the whole thing, so why even watch at all?
  • As much as I love capitalism, I hate lots of the horribly-run-with-terrible-morals big businesses out there right now, and so I refuse to give them any of my time and attention.
  • I also really want the aforementioned businesses’ $4.5 million for 30 seconds to backfire, for, apparently, an ad not paying off is what it takes to prove that money could be better spent (you know, on things like world hunger and American homelessness and environmental sustainability).
  • And I also refuse to watch because food companies apparently don’t have enough dough to change their manufacturing ways and stop giving people cancers yet can still blow 4.5 million on 30 seconds of air time.

Because so many viewers are going to buy your product just because they saw it during the Super Bowl!

Just saying, if people get cancer and die from your product, your advertising money’s gone to waste, anyway. CAUSE NO ONE’S LEFT TO BUY YOUR PRODUCT.

  • Because, from my experience with hockey, NBC just ticks me off

Turco gets it.

  • My room hasn’t been cleaned in two weeks, it’s really showing, and I should probably take care of that.
  • I can’t handle anything sad involving animals.

Especially labs, for that’s the kind of dog I have.

DAYZ

Yes, that’s my baby girl, Daisy. ❤

  • I’ve been putting off my next Korean lesson for a few days now, which is never good.
  • Frankly, I’d just rather be writing. Or reading. Or drawing. Or sleeping. Or studying. Or dancing around my bedroom to Ed Sheeran. Or sticking the bobby pins next to me on my dresser in my eyes.
  • From my childhood (a.k.a. before I developed my distaste for football), I cannot stand Tom Brady.
  • I’m a hockey person.

Just thought I’d reiterate.

So, tonight, while you are most likely relaxing on your couch with a beer and some chips and Katy Perry, I will be blogging and writing a paper for this semester’s English class and cleaning my room–and not partaking in the Super Bowl.

But kudos to the rest of you for actually being able to tolerate it!

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