Front Row, All Alone

Semester two of college has officially begun, and I think I’m going to love all of my classes–save for Spanish. I have a very old, barely audible, extremely slow-talking professor who literally has one tone of voice. Literally. I thought I knew what monotone was before today, but nope! No one knows what monotone is until they meet this man.

Needless to say, it’s gonna be one big espresso fest before that class, and I don’t think I’m going to enjoy it.

But that’s not the point of this post. I’m writing tonight because I’ve noticed something over the past two days that really concerns me: In every single one of my classes, I’ve either been the last person to be sat next to or not sat next to at all. In every class!

What? Why??

Do I smell funny? I mean, I wear deodorant, perfume, and scented lotion every single day! I’m seriously trying not to!

Or maybe…am I ugly? Are people scared to sit by me because I’m hideous?

Or is it like the episode of Spongebob where I think it’s because I’m ugly but really it’s because I’ve gone nose-blind to my own stench?

Or do I simply give off the aura of being a total freak? I swear I’m not a freak!

Or maybe I’m intimidating. A cheesy teen magazine once told me in a quiz that I won’t really have a love life because I’m intimidating. What if that was right? What if I really am intimidating?

What if it’s seriously me, and there’s nothing I can do? What if I’ll forever be the last one picked for friendship, and I can never change it?

It’s like gym class all over again!

I don’t know why I’m asking you all these questions, for you can’t really tell me any answers. But I guess I’m just concerned and need to vent. Is this normal? Am I over-thinking it? Does this happen to everyone, and I just have never noticed? Or is it really me? Am I really that bad? Should I even be concerned?

It’s really got me freaked out!

But, like with everything else in life, I will get used to where I sit, even if it’s all by my lonesome in the front row. I will roll with these punches and keep standing tall. If the people behind me can’t see, who cares! I’m never gonna let the hate and neglect bring me down!

Lol, I’m kidding. Kind of.

I should shut up now and stop worrying/rambling. Hopefully it’s nothing. Hopefully I’m not secretly a freak. Hopefully this isn’t foreshadowing a future of being cast out from society.

But if it is, at least I’m being prepared, I guess.

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